that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
