This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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