The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
