my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
