That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
