upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
