I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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