I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
