Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i think i just lost a toe
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
