fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
