So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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