i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
