sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The uberlube is also flammable
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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