next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
