Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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