I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the day after is always just damage control
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
