my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
