I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
