Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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