Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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