Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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