Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
