Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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