If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
