Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
