I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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