I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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