tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
