U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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