I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
