Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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