Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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