Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
