Screwed.edu
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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