he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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