My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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