i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
