There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
