Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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