i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
