You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
