I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
