ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
