They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
