Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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