I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
