Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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