And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
