You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
