Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
