i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
