Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
