Just cropdusted the office
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
