They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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