I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
