Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
