a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
