Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
