I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I looked at my own cervix.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
